Saturday, September 3, 2011

day 71

we've talked a little. i've let you know i'm confused. i've opened up and told you my feelings, for you, of the fear i have, on the uncertainty. it's in your court now.
we still have more to talk about, like you said our goals and expectations in life. that is a big thing. the most important thing i think we need to discuss at this point.
without knowing the direction, it makes me question and wonder what is right, what isn't, what's appropriate and not...
here is what i want to say to you:
i want to make you the happiest man alive. i want you to feel without doubt my love for you. i don't want you to ever feel like you could find someone better. i want to be the best!
i am going to finish school. i am going to get an amazing career, where i can be a wonderful momma to my kids and be able to spend time with them, but also be able to take care of their financial needs without worrying or having to put things off til the next paycheck.
i am going to get healthy. i am going to become active. i'm going to start running and training for the ragnar as a first step. along with that step i need to quit smoking.
as far as drinking goes, i like to have a beer or two here and there...and i'm ok with that. i'm done doing the partying thing. i don't care for that lifestyle at this point. i like to be around my friends but don't care for the big wild parties.
i want to surround myself with things that make me happy. i want my kids to become my number one priority. they are right now, but sometimes i get so confused about balancing work, school, them and the other things in life. they are the greatest thing that has happened to me and i want them to know just how much they mean to me.
i want to travel the world. i want to see the places that i've read about in magazines or seen in the movies. i want to experience other cultures.
i want to laugh every single day. i want to enjoy all the small simple pleasures in life...the sunrise, sunsets, birds chirping, children playing, other peoples company.
i want to love with my whole heart and not be afraid. i want to feel unconditional love. i want someone to fully accept me for me, who i am and love me and all my quirks and flaws.
just a small list of what i'm going to get in life.

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