Wednesday, August 3, 2011

day 39

i've realized as much as i miss you, there is still so much hurt.
while in the shower tonight i broke down in tears again. i thought i was done. thought i had dealt with this...guess not fully.
i just can't believe that you could bounce so quickly and do so many things for her....
that's what triggered it tonight. you mentioned how you wanted to take a day off work to spend with your gramma for her birthday but that you doubted you'd be able to. i remember hearing the same things months ago that once summer comes you cannot take time off...yet you did for her. not only once but twice. and i'm sure you would've more times if you two were still seeing each other.

another bother for me...i'm just second rate. once she ends it with you (which i don't know what happened, that's just my guess) then you come back. it bothers me, and hurts me...but what can i do?
i feel like you are just bored and you know that i'm here and i'll pass the time for you. you know i'll answer the phone, that i'll talk to you, that i sincerely care...are you taking advantage of me?

yeah, guess today is one of the down slope days...tomorrow i'll be going back up. life really is good. i truly enjoy my life now. i've never been this happy...not in over 10 years i think. and the best part is, i know that there is so much more waiting for me. so much more happiness. i cannot wait to discover it.

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