day 10

this morning i should have been waking in your arms. should have been seeing your blue eyes. should have been getting ready to play in the river with you.
but instead, i woke up alone. i got ready to play with my friends in the river.
we had a good time...wait a great time. the river was so much fun. i wish you could have been there to enjoy the day with me. i wish we could have stolen some kisses while floating in our tubes. wish it could have been you that i spent my entire afternoon laughing with.
i miss you so much.
i did enjoy myself though. i relished the moment with my friends. i laughed so hard. i had so much fun and tried to force you from my thoughts.
i did alright until we were laying on the lawn waiting for the fireworks to begin. that's when it hit me. that's when i wanted to feel your warmth.
i text you. i told you i miss you. it was pathetic of me, i'm aware of that. but i couldn't not do it. part of me thinks i should just ignore you, let you think that i've moved on. not let you know that i miss you terribly, that everyday i think of you, everyday i want you.
but then this other part of me tells me that it's ok to let you know what you meant to me. that maybe you'd appreciate the fact that every now and then i do miss you.
i promise to never tell you just how often i miss you. that would only push you away farther.
happy 4th of july love.