Saturday, July 9, 2011

day 14

Anger crept in a little bit today. i don't know why, but i guess it's time to face it.
how could you seriously go from loving me and being so cute with me everyday. telling me how much you appreciate me and how wonderful i am to planning a trip to disney with her and her kids before you even had the balls to end things with me?
oh that is what hurts the most! are you that confused? do you need someone that badly that you have to buy her love? i just don't get i don't. i get most everything else. i understand that when someone new comes in and gives you attention, it makes you feel good. it does something inside of you. something that i myself have been guilty of indulging in. i understand all that...but i just don't understand you being so able to completely drop me like a bad habit and do things like that for her.
the reality of that is what crushes me. that is what gets me from wanting you back.
you know, i do think of what i'd do if you came back, i know i've said i'd take you back but truth this point NO i wouldn't. what you did is cruel and selfish. that is what hurts so much.

regardless of the hurt i do miss you. i miss so much about you...but at the same time. i'm loving being able to be me, to do what i want to do without having to worry about if it's going to make you mad.
tonight my friend, a guy, came over. there is nothing between him and i, but i'm sure if you were in the picture i wouldn't have been able to enjoy time with him tonight. his gf did end up coming over about an hour after he got here but still i wonder if it would've upset you, then i realized it doesn't don't care anymore.
there, i got my frustrations out. i feel better. i said what really bothers me and now i release it from me. i release the anger. i release the hurt from it. no more!!
i still love you.

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