Thursday, July 14, 2011

day 20

wow, you called me today. 2 minutes before my lunch break you called. i went on lunch and saw i had a missed call from you. i tried to call ya back, but no answer. figured it must've been a butt dial or something.
5:00 sharp you called again. this time i was off work and i tried to answer but you hung up before i answered. i thought perhaps you had butt dialed me again...but then i realized that both times you called were at times that i would've been able to answer.
but i held strong. i didn't call you immediately back. i couldn't. please understand. as much as i wanted to, i just couldn't.
then 20 minutes later you called again. i hesitated to answer but did....oh, the sound of your voice. talking to you about your day was just like the good ole days. i missed it so much. it felt so good to talk to you. a little weird, since we've broken up and all, but that i was still able to speak so openly and casually to you.
you told me you wanted to talk if it was was. i was going to a concert but still had plenty of time. then you had to hurry and go for a minute. you said you'd call me back, and i knew you would.
well my coworker met up with me and then eventually my friends did too...then you called. you could tell i was busy so you wouldn't talk to me about whatever it was that you wanted to...i tried to get it out of you, but you wouldn't.
later, while i was at the concert you called again. i apologized for things with "her". for speaking to her. i know it didn't make sense to you. but i feel that is the reason you called. to tell me to mind my own business and to leave your life alone. i'm sorry. i didn't mean to every butt my nose into your life. i was curious but honestly i didn't try to get my way in. PROMISE.
well my phone died while talking to you.
i miss you. it was good to hear your voice. you sounded well. i love you still. i hope you will talk to me tomorrow. now i'm just curious....hoping for an apology. makes it all confusing...i am finally happy with myself. don't know anymore if you fit in there.
i think i need to just be happy with me, without you. that sounds harsh, but i can't be happy with you ever (or anyone else for that matter) if i'm not happy with myself.

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